Note: The contents of this blog is not a pure work of pure fiction. It is actually a guide..err.i mean a almost real one.
As promised eons ago, here is the pedestrian version
- First,it is very important that you understand your position in traffic ecosystem; you are a third class citizen in this ecosystem, just slightly better than the disabled, the old and the very young.( No offence to any of them if they are reading my blog).
- Next, footpaths , if they exist, are not meant exclusively for pedestrians ; any other members of the traffic ecosystem may use it.So, next time, for example, if you see a two wheeler on a footpath don't scream your lungs out. However, if that 'act' is meant to be a stress buster then you are most welcome to do it. A little screaming wont make any difference to the din outside.
- Also, please be aware you can get killed anytime!. I really mean anytime. A two wheeler, car, or a lorry may run over you even if you were just standing and weren't crossing the road.
- However,the most important thing to keep in my mind is don't be afraid.Think you own the road.Walk as if bangalore is owned by your father.The other members of the ecosystem give you respect only when you look & act - rude and arrogant.
- Moreover,there are two ways to cross the road.The first one is 'run for your life'.I think this one is pretty self explanatory.The disadvantage of this method is - if you are not fit enough to make the dash you will be run over.The other one is 'the matrix method'. In this one you have to think you are the chosen one and think you are living in a matrix. All you need to do is show your palm and slowly walk across the road. Slower the better.Also, make sure you never hurry and never blink a eye if even a fast moving truck is coming at you.This method works most of the time,however, the times that it did not -you will not live to tell the sorry tale.
- Just like the real power of democracy lies in numbers,the real power for a pedestrian comes from having company, more the merrier. If it is a small road , a group of 5 can easily occupy half the road if they walk hand in hand and next to each other.You become all powerful with such a group. You can walk,dance and do whatever you want on the bangalore roads.
- If you feel like you want to take revenge on members in the upper cadre of traffic ecosystem join some political or pseudo- political organizations.Organize a protest, preferably on a monday morning during peak traffic.Make sure you block the roads, then depending on the nature of the protests you can either scream or dance or smile at all those people stuck in the jam.
- When it rains heavily, like the past few days, venture out at your own risk. Apart from the usual threats from the members of the traffic ecosystem, you would also be subject to new threats: a open manhole to drown, a open drain to get washed away, a hanging wire to either hang or get electrocuted,a falling tree branch to break you head,a complete tree or a pole to look like a dead character from tarantino movies.
- Also, note that new additions to your bangalore infrastructure: -flyover, underpass, elevated roads- are not meant for pedestrians. They are for vehicles only.None of the methods which i described would help in your survival up or down there.
- Lastly,if you have crossed the ocean and seen places where there are rules for pedestrians and hope to follow them here then you are liable to be called a 'fool'. Jay walking is the norm and if you don't want to do it, you are not going home as you would never cross a bangalorean road!
ps:biker's version for reference - >http://kelarappakeli.blogspot.com/2008/12/complete-idiots-guide-to-survival-in.html
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