Friday, October 24, 2008

A tale of Banyan Tree Gowaramma and Credit crisis!

Under a banyan tree ,under a translucent roof sits Gowaramma. She sits there all day. No, she is not Gautama Buddha reincarnation. She might ,in fact, be an antithesis of him. She is boisterous, loud and continuously speaking. A master of at least 5 languages ,she never misses a conversation. We will get back to her in sometime.

First ,the question - how do I know her? .The answer is simple - One of the unwanted side effects of staying in Bellandur has been to conjure a night meal. So this endeavor of night meals ensues that I buy some vegetables.( With reference to previous post I must add that I cannot cook food of ‘other’ kind ). So the first thing I did in my fresher heydays as cook was that I went to Subhiksha to buy up the vegetables. For the uninitiated /uninformed visitors I must add that is a retail chain. The chain has a very efficient supply chain (has no go downs -they replenish goods only when they can, not when they should) which allows it to sell at lower prices than its competitors ( supposedly ). But, the net effect of it’s optimization and cost cutting principles is that you almost never find whatever you are looking for whenever you go. (Maybe Murphy’s law also plays a helping hand).So, after the frustrations( less said about the cashier’s the better) in this only neighborhood retail store ( Other stores were/are a couple of Kms away and as a lazy soul was out of question)I had to venture to more exotic truly Indian options. A couple of years ago when I moved to this place the footpaths were filled by this exotic varieties – the footpath stores. However, with time most of them vanished giving way for bigger shops that refused to have their footpaths be blocked. But, the banyan tree was an exception. Cutting a banyan tree is out of question (thankfully) in this part of the world. So, the footpath stores remained there. Among them was one run by the person I was referring to above. I found the vegetables to be little fresher ( in the opinion of inexperienced cook).Also, prices better than our cheaper neighborhood store. There was however a far more important reason why I probably went there. I was always recognized every time I went there and every time she use to add a little more to whatever I take. For ex: After the weighing machine showed a kg of beans. She used to add a little more and say this is for “you”. “Eat more “. ( She has not seen my FAQ evidently).Although she probably does this to every one chivalry always works . She always used to say I am giving you whatever I might be buying at a special price. She always used to quote the regular price and the special price.(When someone says ‘a special price for you’, would you bargain.?!). I always ended up buying the vegetables under the banyan tree.

This has happened many a times in the last year and half .My attempt to conjure up a night meal always started under the banyan tree. However, this week I found her place to be closed. I had never witnessed anything of that sort but I thought it must one odd day off. But this continued for the next two days. I began to doubt if she had closed down. However much to my glee I found it open yesterday. I went to buy my share of vegetables. I found her to be extremely dull and down in dumps kind. I asked her what happened?. I am pretty sure she had to repeat this story but she still had some enthusiasm left in her to d o so. She had a ‘credit crisis’. She used to buy up vegetables in the morning on credit the money for which she used to return the next day. However, with a bad ‘lending’ market and her inability to return the money her credit facility was hit. (Very ironic how her problem mirrors the one’s in other parts of the world). The second problem she faced is of a fixed lending credit. She gets 5000 rupees of credit. So if the prices of vegetables go up, her purchasing power comes down. The next problem for her is the inherent problem of keeping perishable goods. The unpredictable buying patterns hits her very hard. She has an extremely complex problem everyday morning she has to second guess the buying patterns of her customers. The only information she has is the prices at which she gets the vegetables .Well coming back to the question of her disappearance she said she had to look for another creditor.( I am pretty sure she is heavily in debt). On hearing all this the very existence of her footpath store under the banyan tree seems like a miracle. I know the day will not be far off where she has to close for real. Her secret of survival has been her amazing marketing abilities. She first second guesses the language of the buyer. Speaks in the native language of the buyer. Always suggesting what to buy ( which would be the one which is not selling). She smartly deals with hard bargaining by the customer. She has at least two techniques – she tries the inflation one mostly these days..saying it is incredulous to even suggest a lower prices. Other one is probably by camouflaging prices by giving instant offers she comes up with offers like you buy 2 kg of this and that I will give you at this price. Also, I am pretty sure her weighing scales are skewed and her skillful handling of it helps offset the bargains to selling price. It will be a great loss when retail revolution intensifies to lose such street smart ,natural ,shrewd marketing talent. I know it is the will of free market she has to go.( @bro : if you are reading the blog, I have not forgotten me arguing in favor of free markets passionately last week and i still subscribe to the same views).
But, it will be sad for at least some more time as we would be left with mechanical cashiers and speech impaired helpers in the new age shopping malls.I remember once being asked to tender a exact change. ( which I of course I never had) .I said I did not have and said I can give my card. But I was told that the we don’t accept cards below a ‘x’ amount. I wryly asked “should I produce some coins”, to which without a smile I was told “I don’t know I want exact change”. I also offered to buy up ‘anything’ which would at least ensure that no change was paid back to me. To which I was told the bill has been printed and could not be modified. I of course left the shop without much ado without buying anything. I know such stores will get eliminated by free market. But, currently the retail chains seem to be still have scores of people who are like the ones described above. I know things are not as bad as mentioned always but pretty close. Hopefully an entrepreneur will come along and use the Midas touch of this street smart people like Gowaramma for their retail chains. Until then I will like the rest of the world keep hoping the “credit crisis” goes away.!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Praveen’s FAQ

In order to save time for everybody (and myself? –Doesn’t everybody include me?).

1)You have become thinner than the last time.

Although this is more of a statement than a question, I would like to add that ‘you’ had told the same the last time we had met. Assuming ‘you’ always speak the truth I should be becoming thinner every time we meet. If you still have not found the fallacy yet mister. I cannot help you but can only tell you the same thing I always tell when I happen to meet you “No, I weigh exactly the same”.


2)Why are you so thin?

If this is what u meant in question # 1 here is your answer. Please come to my ‘home’ and have a look at all the specimens around .If you find someone looking fatter than me we can discuss next time when we meet.

3)Why do you eat so less?

Refer next question.

4)How come you eat so much?

I have an invisible stomach whatever I eat goes there.This also explains why I am thin. For people with question # 3 give me a free lunch and then ask question # 4.

5)Where do you live?
Question depends on time and day of the week.

6)I meant where is your home?

Question depends on time and day of the week.

7)Damn..err..i did not get you..
On weekdays and during non-office hours there is a good probability that I can be found in a tiny house in Bellandur. Similarly on weekends there is a good probability you can find me in my house in ISRO Layout ( Technically my parent’s house).

8)Why so serious…?

I hope you are not the Joker. But if I am working in office I am looking forward to finish the work and make a run for the exit.The facial expression also depends on how much I abhor my work. Being a software engineer such work follows.

9)You hardly speak

Refer answer for Q 11.

10)You speak.

Refer answer for Q11.

11)You speak too much.

It depends on how well you know me and at times how many times I am interrupted and many a times the intellectual capabilities of my listener.

12)Why are you so fair?

I am actually very unfair if you happen to know me. But if the question had anything to do with my skin color I will let you in on a little secret. When I was born my mother painted my face with Asian Paints white emulsion. If you happened to see the ads of the same you would know that “it lasts really long” and it is weather proof also.
If you have any more questions on the same my mom could help you ,she would not mind divulging any such trade secrets.

13)Your hair is jet black.

Black paint..so easy.

14)Why do u keep smiling?
I hope you meet the person who asked question #:8 that would really save me time. But, since it is a FAQ let me tell you that I am a lazy bum. Whenever I see somebody instead of waving hand, saying ‘hello’, ‘good morning’ , I smile. It is a lazy man’s way of saying whatever is meant to be said at that particular moment. You could make a mental note that I am dumb if it helps you.


15)Your social skills looks challenged at times.
I am lazy.Which part did u not get ?. Saying Too many good mornings makes my day a bad morning..OK.

16)How was the pooja yesterday ( next day after a festival). ?

I am an Atheist. ….If you did not get it.. dictionary helps.
PS: Having an Atheist dad helps in having no pooja’s.

17)How many times did you give CAT?
I have forgotten to count ,but to be on the safer side can I say ‘several’ times..huh ok.?

18)Why does something happen to you around Exam time?

Maybe something happens to me all the time and exam comes in between. How does this sound ?

19)Why do you want to do a MBA?

This answer is saved for the interview. Sorry I can tell you next year maybe. (hopefully)

20)You are not to be seen on weekends?

Hope the last few questions helped you. If you want to see me then meet me in any of the mock CAT centers on Sundays. The probability of meeting me is very high.


21)How do u know so many ‘things’ about so many diverse topics?

I could be just knowing one topic more than you or I could be bluffing many topics I have no clue or I might actually be knowing something.( Knowing something probably means wikipedia or internet knowledge..hope u don’t plan to give me a exam .)

22)Why do you avoid weddings?

I hate everything except of course the food in weddings. So next time you invite me ensure that I first get to eat nice food after that I might just wish you and if am really feeling like a good Samaritan I might just give a gift (If I happen to remember). However the number one reasons for missing weddings would be that I am preoccupied with something else like the stupid ritual I follow on Sundays.


23)You never keep in touch with old friends.

Keeping touch was always mutual I thought.I think there are 2 guilty parties I am one but there must be someone else..if I am counting correctly.?


24)You don’t meet offline often.

Meeting folks happens to be elaborate exercise in negotiation skills – on time, date and venue. Since it has been proved that I am a habitually lazy guy ,show me some mercy. Meeting online happens to revolve around a few mouse clicks and keyboard which is easier?. Also, I am never overjoyed in any exercise which involves me driving my bike around half the city amidst the unending traffic mess ( Synonym: Bangalore as per oxford dictionary 2020 -). So here is the deal , do the planning make it a place not too far.( good food /free lunches can go a long way in improving my motivation levels), we shall meet I have no issues. I know it cannot be all about ‘ME’ but what to do. there is no laziness anonymous…so there is no other way.


25)You don’t drink any booze?

I don’t want to. Drink any alcohol..got it?..Dont ask me the same question when you are getting drunk again….


26)Do you eat any non veg?
Somebody decide to classify plants and animals and eating one as veg as non-veg. What should I do about i?.You would know both are living things if u had studied in school. U might ask me the question of ethics.Well what ethics is there in making paddy a crop and planting everywhere and then eating it. Well unless one can come up with completely synthetic food..everyone is ethically wrong to eat anything except salt. Also don’t give the explanation about how brutal and unhuman is it to slaughter animals. Yes of course the cries of an animal sound more cruel than the silent paddy which was also slaughtered. I do however agree that we should not eat any endangered living things( plant or animal). I also have no plans to eat any humans dead or alive. If you have still not got my answer, it is “I do “.
Ps:don’t even try the religion angle on this one on me.


27)You don’t dance.

Does jumping and howling count?..If not u have a challenge standing in front of you..Show some mercy ..teach!!.


If you have reached this point then it looks like you have a unanswered question. If so, shoot the question enough times I just might add it to my updated FAQ version ( whenever I actually decide to update).